Criticism, Feedback, Advice

Modern work cultures have a love-hate relationship with feedback.

On one side, everyone understands it's the only way to grow your career. You need to get other people's perspectives on your work if you want to improve.

On the other side, I've once heard a friend quipping "feedback" is the corporate f-word.

Feedback is often harsh. Too harsh. Offensive.

I mean, look at these comments I found on the popular online forum Fishbowl:

Passive aggressiveness, disrespect, and sometimes, pure evil.

That's the dark side of feedback culture.

The same tool that helps us evolve, improve, become better versions of ourselves is a tool used to control, manipulate and sometimes just make people feel shitty because I guess some people get off on that.

So, what can we do about it?

One way that's worked for me is to ask this question whenever I'm giving or receiving feedback:

"Is this criticism, feedback or advice?"

Criticism has judgment in it.

Often blame. It's talking about a person's character instead of their actions. It's what sad people with miserable lives do to people they envy (because they're younger, happier, because they have friends).

No good ever comes out of criticism.

If you're the receiver of it, try to ignore it. Recognizing the suffering of the giver of criticism may help. Breathing deeply for a few minutes helps as well. And if none of these help, check out if your local gym has a punching bag – it works 100% of the time.

Another thing: whenever you need to give feedback to someone, make sure you're not criticizing them instead.

If you think you are, moving up the ladder towards feedback or advice will have a bigger impact.

Feedback is the default nowadays.

It is unemotional facts and potential consequences.

"You didn't do this thing this way, thus we might lose that customer…"

Implied, there's a consequence to your job employment. The loud, unsaid part is "... and if you don't fix that, you might lose your job (or at least not get promoted)."

Feedback is generally good, but it can be used as a way to project power.

There's always an element of "or else" in assertive feedback. Not necessarily good not bad, but powerful.

And as Uncle Ben used to say, with great power comes great responsibility.

Advice is the lighter version of feedback. It should be used more often.

While feedback has weight because of the consequences, using it too much might weigh down the relationship.

But advice? Give me as much as you've got.

Advice is what friends do to help other friends out.

If you keep "feedbacking" me, I'm gonna grow fearful, resentful, feeling like my work sucks all the time. Save it for when it's really essential.

But if you constantly give me good advice, I'll feel good about you and about myself. I'll feel like I'm growing and that I have someone to help me out through the journey.

This might seem like wordplay, but there is a difference: advice doesn't have the "or else" element. If I give advice to someone, I don't get mad or frustrated or displeased if you don't use my advice.

I respect you and trust you you'll do the best you can with that piece of information I just gave you – and the best you can do may even be to ignore it.

Feedback vs. Advice

So, when to use each one?

Is advice always better than feedback?

My take is that both are useful. But you should give way more advice to your team members than feedback.

The reason is that then your feedback will have weight.

They'll know how to separate must-haves from nice-to-haves.

And honestly?

They'll probably follow what you say a lot more.

Keep working smarter.