The Core of Conflict Resolution

Defusing fights with one simple question

Author

Bruno Nogueira
September 14, 2023

Ever had a big fight with your boss?

With a client?

With a partner or colleague?

In the workplace, small frictions and disputes can turn into conflicts, and those can turn into big fights.

Big fights that may be career-changing (usually for the worse).

We must put an end to those.

Now, there are TONS of advice on conflict resolution out there. (I'll even share one of my favorite frameworks for this in the future).

But sometimes, the simplest insights are the most profound…

Fellow reader Randy shares one of those with us today:

I was taught that conflict is a result of not meeting each other's expectations. To short circuit a lot of arguing and cut to the heart of the matter when you're in a conflict, ask the other person what their expectations were, share what yours were, and work it out from there.

Look, if it can work with your spouse, it can work with your boss.

And from what I've seen married couples fighting in the past, this would work in most of those fights.

You know that saying that Happiness = Reality - Expectations?

Yep, this is how this one works. You can't control other people's expectations, but if you can at least understand them, you can defuse a lot of conflict.

Also, pivoting the conversation from arguments and defensiveness to questions about expectations puts both of you on the same team in a way. Instead of arguing about who's right, you're focusing on what you can do differently next time.

Got a conflict at your job right now? Even a small one?

Try using this technique right now and watch it dissolve.

Short one for today.

Keep working smarter.